Realistic Sustainable Living: On Community, A Cornerstone of Sustainability

The thing with community is that it can be wonderful. From best friends who get you to that lady you go shopping with to the farmer’s market who helps you pick the best tomatoes to your fandoms; it can give you sense of belonging. And that is important for our mental well-being. Physically too, they can help us source items, be there for us when we are sick, and more.

Yet, I have personally seen the darker side of community.

Never truly knowing most people in it.

Guilt culture and unhealthy gossiping.

Reinforcing narrow and harmful ideas even at the expense of people’s mental and sometimes physical well-being.

Not being open to new experiences or ideas.

Unhealthy competition leading to unhappiness and excessive consumption and a lack of satisfaction from life.

Tearing down people’s achievements, because you can or because the community refuses to understand them. Gatekeeping.

Fear of ostracization so bad that you hold your kids back from doing what they want.

And an us vs. them mentality, making expansion and interaction impossible where everyone else is less pious, less pure, and overall worse than you.

Of course, healthy communities do not have these at a large scale…but these things made me hyper-independent and learn to fear community. Of course, writing for sustainability and reading the work of Isabelle Dury, alongside the support of my friends and fandoms, reminded me of the value of community.

Do I still struggle? Yes. I am open to helping…but often I mistakenly think I have to do it alone, at the cost of myself. Instead of relying on my community and making sure something reaches those better equipped to help. And when it comes to asking for help? I am still unable to step out of my inner circle.

Which is understandable if one revisits the trauma of a young girl who is constantly held back by other’s opinions and preferences. From who to love to what to study and make a career in, everything was different about her. She had to defend almost all her choices…and by god, that was taxing. Crying in the shower and therapy were but the natural results of such a stringent community, unwilling to expand at all. And once given a choice, the girl often choose to engage in her community festival and events, as far as comfortable, showing that their fear of loss of culture was…well…bull.  And this ain’t the story of one girl. Millions of women are subjected to this yoke where their personalities and desires and even needs are crushed underfoot.

Then why do we want community?

Benefits of Community

Shelby Orme made a beautiful video on this topic, called “consumerism is making us lonely.” Here are my two cents on it, despite having said most of it in the introduction. Community helps us by-

Battling Loneliness

When there is no one to talk to, or as Drury says, water our plants or look after our pets. When there is no one to bring soup when you are sick. When there is no one to hold your hand at a parent’s funeral. When books you read are never discussed, because you are a lone island.

Unless you severely dislike people, this can get to you. And add lack of human touch, non-sexual touch, boy, oh, boy, isn’t that a recipe for loneliness?

Having friends and a community can help fight these. We won’t be very close to all of them and might never reach out to some of them for beyond superficial help, but knowing there are people we can call, even if they aren’t friends, is such a support. For me, my therapist fits there, even if paying isn’t exactly community. And then there are my childhood friends and parents for extreme emergencies. Basically, I am happy alone but when I want people, more often than not, I have a few. And this also helps me be more emotionally independent for when there is no one available.

That’s the beauty of human connection.

It creates a Sense of “I Belong Here. I Matter, I Contribute, I am Valuable. Especially because we help out communities. Sometimes with our jobs. Sometimes by doing a creative or helpful task for free. Sometimes with emotional labour. As long as do it while honouring our limits, then even a smile and a shared ladder could be huge to someone else. We are worthy because we exist, as my therapist says, but having the sense of being helpful really helps too. As long as we don’t go overboard or being to ignore ourselves. Healthy sustainability can be a good place to learn this balance.

And the best of this balance is….

It also us to focus our efforts on an area we can actually help, thereby maximizing our efforts. Having a community means when you come across a problem you can’t solve, you can kindly say, sorry, try this person. Sure, every problem might not have a solver in your community, but maybe someone else will know.

After all, communities bring together friends of friends which can lead to…

Intersectionality by getting to meet people who have different POVs and exchange of ideas

When you meet new people, especially when you share common interests, and conversation flies, there is a chance your ideas on something or the other will get challenges. Sometimes, they’ll be a bigot and a friendship will end. Sometimes, they’ll help you be better. Sometimes you will learn, and other times you’ll learn tolerance by agreeing to disagree than Mjolnir is more powerful than Cap’s shield.

Basically, a community made of people from different walks of life and professions and interests can lead you to learn about ideas and experiences you only knew of theoretically, making you more aware and thus better poised to take action. Intersectional living wasn’t born in isolation.

Yes, when we think of these a community is unicorns and rainbows. And while it is great, I struggle to forget the horror story we started this piece with. And that is why, we must look at the importance of a sense of self. Not hyper-independence, but a sense of who you are, the multiple communities you’re a part of, your values and desires. Why is it important?

Importance of a Sense of Self

• Self-love and care- Mental Health Benefits

Knowing yourself and honouring your boundaries and limits, even when you are in the growth phase, is a form of self-love. It helps prevent burn out and thus keeps you on your feet for a more sustained period of time. Constantly, sacrificing without feeling rewarded, instritically or externally, and constantly denying your needs, wants, and sense of self, can cause problems for some of us, though this is a very generalized statement.

But beyond allowing us to battle stress and burn out, having a sense of self has other benefits, such as helping us understand how we can help best, where we need support, and essentially have a sense of who we are what is our identity. Knowing this, can also us with…

• Self-sufficiency

If you have a sense of self, you are more like to be independent and have the skills to rely on yourself and sustain yourself. Without these skills, even helping the community can sometimes become difficult. Yet, the goal isn’t hyperindepence but knowing basic life skills which can then be built upon in a community setting to create interdependence and the knowledge that should the worst come, you can survive till a new community can be formed or yours is healed. It also gives us a sense of..

• Freedom

When you know you can take care of yourself, participate in your community, and if need be leave and find a set of people more aligned to your values, where you feel more appreciated and whom you can help better, you feel a sense of freedom. Since you know your limits and dealbreakers, honouring them- while not easy- can become beneficial, make you feel worthy and free in a good way.

Sure, these taken to the extreme can be extremely harmful as shown in Shelby’s video on excessive individualism below. There’s also the fact that hyper independence, just like a too narrow community, can reinforce harmful ideas. Echo-chambers are not just found online.

So how can have the benefits of community living without losing ourselves? Well, it is difficult but the answer as always is balance. And in today’s world, where communities are fracturing and people have to move away and build new found families all the time, knowing how to survive on your own and also how to ask for help from your people are both essential skills.

How do we find a balance between the self and the needs of the community?

The answer is to know how to fulfil your needs, physical, emotional, financial etc. and also know how to ask for and give support. You can’t fulfil extreme tension caused needs alone after all…but everyday needs? You can try.

Another option is to have a support system filled with many people, and composed of various communities, all of which serve different purposes and wants. For me, I have my fandoms and Ao3 gang, my best friends and partner, my extended family- the ones I get along with more, my sustainability eco-girls and pals, my writing group, my childhood friends, and friends from college. As I grow, I hope to meet more people in areas I enjoy. Like, I work from home and I prefer that, so work friends aren’t a thing I see in my future…but my readers who became like friends more than make up for it.

Of course, another important way to achieve balance between community and self is to take time for yourself and have designated community hours. Know your limits and boundaries. Not only does that allow you to help better, knowing when to refer someone to your people instead of burning out, it also leads to a sense of fulfilment, which allows you to be more present cuz we love endorphins. It also means you have time and space to rest, which is a very important thing as a creative, sustainable, or just human person.

Honour both duty and personal values my friends, while being open to learning new things and changing your mind. And as always, prioritize your safety and boundaries, even when pushing them for new experiences, because realistic sustainability, is healthy sustainability. Like they say on airplanes, put on your oxygen mask before helping others. Though, altruism is what makes life worth it for me.

Stay susty, my friends, and let’s make this a value giving community to be proud of, whether on this blog or over on YouTube at The Brown Journal(s).

Beta Reader- Naushi Mathur