Disclaimer- While the audio and the blog talk about the same topic, they aren’t a word to word translation. Each has information, the other is missing.
Anjali, how do I show romance without an over-reliance on tropes like kissing?
Are there ways other than sexual tension to show budding romance between characters?
Yesterday, I got this question. It seems to be a common one among romance writers and yet, we have so many romance books, with fully fleshed our relationships. Not to mention the shit-ton of romance subplots in stories.
Then, why do writers still struggle with writing romance? Because while a kissing scene can force your audience to acknowledge that a couple or more people are romantically or sexually involved, it is usually bad romance writing. It comes out of nowhere and leaves the readers wanting build up. Two characters who like each other would exhibit signs. They could be the tell-tale tropey ones, such as one’s dupatta getting stuck in another’s kurta button or it could be something like behaving different around the other. An urge to understand them. Follow them. Maybe curiosity that doesn’t make sense. Shyness when you are caught being curious. A want or even a need to share personal stories, sometimes a hunger for their approval in the early stages of a romance. Jealousy, if used positively can be another indicator. Wanting to support someone. Or being angry when they disappoint you, and yet feeling unable to stop loving them. Wanting to help them become a better person and yet feeling they are perfect as they are.
And what do all these things have in common?
Intimacy.
But how do you write intimacy?
How to Write Intimacy in Romance
The trick to writing intimacy is emotional intensity, playfulness, vulnerability, and honesty.
There are different forms of intimacy, not always romantic, but the focus of this piece will e on how to write intimacy which most folks can see as romantic. The easiest way to establish intimacy is to show moments of emotional vulnerability, where the characters reveal their secrets or deep thoughts or pain and what brings them joy.
Let us understand it with an example.
In SpiderMan: Far from Home, we see Peter Parker vying for the affections of MJ, which he receives at the end of the story. The reciprocity of the emotions is shown on their walk by the river. They are both hesitant and bashful, which shows they feel vulnerable. In No Way Home, there is playfulness when they are joking together on the roof and once again a display of trust and vulnerability, when after being comforted by Peters 1 and 2, Holland’s Parker looks at MJ for reassurance and comfort.
That was an emotionally charged incident, and the longing for reassurance from MJ, of all people, shows trust. Let us understand it better by contrasting it with the intimacy Peter and Ned share.
While Peter and Ned are playful together, as demonstrated on multiple occasions. They have inside jokes and after MJ, Ned is the person Peter looks to for comfort and reassurance. The love between the two in undeniable and it is comfortable. While MJ and Peter become comfortable too, there is a sort of underlying tension. In many stories that is sexual, but there can be other forms of it too.
Of course, this tension can be present in non-romantic relationships too. It is a marker of how important the relationship is. But romantic relationships, usually, tend to carry a greater deal of insecurity, not in the I will lose this person, but I value them as a partner. You are trying to show this person wants to, or is at least interested in showing the other the deepest parts of us and there is a healthy want of approval from them. The characters are hoping to build a life together, maybe even raise a family or connect their bodies.
While such intimacy can be presented once or twice in intense non-romantic emotional relationships, it is a constant core in romantic relationships and such. While, arranged marriages and marriages of convenience can be void of this level of intimacy, because the characters might want to keep some parts of themselves guarded, and some romances can have secrets, this desire for a verse intense connection between people forms the base of a romance.
Yes, keeping these intensities and passiveness and jealousness and insecurity healthy is a tight balance, but that’s a topic for another blog. As always, let me know your thoughts in the comments and if you wish to read my fictional works, head over to Muses_Saga.
