Anjali, how do you write a demisexual character without invalidating asexuality?
Can I have a demisexual enemies to lovers story?
Are demisexual stories any different from “finding the one?”
Aren’t most romances about that though? Hello, there. Today let’s talk about how to write a demisexual character in a romance. If you’re here and trying to write a demi!character, I assume you know what demisexuality is. In short, sexual attraction based on an emotional bond.
So yes, you can have demisexual enemies to lovers if the rivalry is intense enough.
But the question is…
How do you write a demisexual character in a romance?
When I was writing my for ages 16+ novel Siya, demisexual was the one way I could write her. I don’t fully understand the concept of sexual attraction divorced from emotional attraction and while I could write a character who’s straight or gay or not demi, I decided Siya should share that.
In author Rags’ upcoming desi fantasy enemies to lovers novel, Hear Ye, Sagar too is demisexual. Despite that he admired Alfar’s looks a lot, even before the two form a bond.
And therein lies the crux of writing a demisexual character, in a romance.
The love story can follow all the stages of romance from initial attraction and first meeting to resolution. The only difference is that the initial attraction is more likely to aesthetic, rather than sexual. For demisexual folks, best friends to lovers is the most common romantic arc, as the emotional bond of a friendship allows them to see their friend in a sexual light.
And yes, an importance part of the character growth can be the confusion about what they’re feeling. They can question if they’re a late bloomer, which can be answered by the fact that they still only feel attracted to those they bond with, or they can wonder if they were just repressed. But still no attraction to celebrities.
As for writing it without invalidating asexuality, there’s a lot of ways.
How to write demisexuality without invalidating asexuality?
You can show them realize that they truly didn’t feel attraction of the sexual variety before they met this person and formed a bond. And should this bond or person go away, that attraction won’t come again until another bond comes up.
Or you could choose to write a demisexual character who was never considering they might be asexual because they’ve had so many sexual attractions. They’ve a lot of people they’ve strong emotional bonds with and thus feel sexual attraction a reasonable amount. It’s just for them they need to know the person before they get to know the person.
How to foreshadow the character is demisexual?
You can, of course, make your OC’s demisexuality apparent from the start, with attraction towards fictional characters they feel they’ve a bond with, hints of being unable to understand crushes on strangers, and a strong liking to love stories that show characters fall in love or bed as opposed to non-established relationships.
A quick exercise I would do if I were writing a demisexual character in a romance is looking at soulmate AUs. Doesn’t have to be monogamous one’s eithers. OT3s are very welcome.
Create a world where people can only feel attraction to their soulmate.
In such a world, either people feel attraction and then realize someone is their mate. Or they can see the mating symbol and then the attraction develops.
Now imagine in such a world, someone still needs to be friends or emotionally attached or intimate with their mate before they can feel the destined attraction. That right there is demisexuality.
How to show the character is romantically interested in another without sexual tension?
You can show other signs of a crush, such as wanting to spend time together, liking the character aesthetically, positive jealousy, wanting their attention, and so on.
Plus, the good parts of writing genre fiction like romance is that there are tried and tested tropes that tell your readers what they need to know without shoving it in their face. Why make your characters forcibly kiss when one of their duppatta’s can get caught in another’s kurta button?
And who says demisexual characters can’t feel sexual attraction…if the bond, crush, friendship, rivalry, is emotionally intense enough, you can eventually show sexual attraction too.
How to write a non-demiromantic character who is demisexual?
Simple. You give them lots of crushes, say on celebrities and stuff- maybe not serious love, but people they are open to dating and trying with despite not really knowing them, but keep the distance from the date to the bedroom a long one.
Internally, at least.
It’s like someone who is open to meeting someone for the first time as a date, or in an arranged marriage setup, but for bumping uglies, they absolutely need to know the person.
And that’s it folks. My two cents on how to write a demisexual character in a romance.
What other topics would you like me to cover? Let me know in the comments! And yes, link your demisexual OCS and characters too. I would love to read some more demi!stories.
Author’s Note: Hope this helped. If you wish to support my work, a like, a share, a comment, or payment of your choice goes a long way!
