Being selfless

Why are we taught to put others before ourselves?

I wish we were taught to love ourselves first,

Be a little kind to everyone,

Including ourselves.

Except we choose Abnegation,

A life of service,

But is it selfless to put the wants of others,

Before your own needs,

To the point where you hurt not only yourself but those around you,

Trying desperately to earn love,

Love that you give to others,

But can’t seem to muster for yourself,

Or keep.

Is it selfless to hate every fibre of your being,

To the point where you would gladly die for others,

Not to save them,

But for a selfish want to be dead and buried.

Is it selfless,

To constantly see yourself as less,

For each act of humanity,

Call yourself selfish,

And forget the meaning of self-worth and self-love,

Is it selfless to be so selfish,

As to leave others reeling,

From hurt and loss,

Because you failed to earn your own love,

Tied to deep to external validation,

From those for whom you can’t ever be enough,

Even when show you are perhaps.

Is it selfless to find relief,

In grotuese images of self-harm,

Knife directing you as you live and breathe,

A tree of open arteries,

That was once your body.

Is it selfless,

This haters of self,

That slowly consumes you to the point you hate life itself,

And everything else,

Even as you try to each breathe,

And despite everything always find yourself wanting?

Is it?