If you wish you were still single, raise your hand.
Jokes aside, being with someone is a beautiful experience. It gets tough, yes. There are disagreements and fights, there are nights you cry yourself to sleep, but we are still here because somewhere we feel it’s worth it.
If you are dating someone because you love them and they love you, it’ll be worth it. But relationships are hard-work. Probably the reason why I never understood the point of dating for the sake of it or for social status or for filling some emptiness. Too much work, when I could just realise I am enough in myself. I am not half-of a person dependent on someone or something. I am holistic being, growing every day, and being with someone enhances me and helps that growth. It makes me happy.
If you are with someone who doesn’t make you happy, doesn’t help you grow, and who you do not want to be with, why you still there, man? It’s like alcohol, once addicted you can’t leave, but you know it’s bad for you. That’s what toxic relationships are. They make you feel less whole without that person around. Missing someone is one thing, but feeling you are less of a person without them around? That’s a big no-no.
You do not need anyone, in particular. Yet we all need people to keep us company. Family or friends or romance. You have everything you need inside of you. If you are nurturing a relationship for instant gratification or to gain something, work on yourself because you are trying to fill a void only security within yourself can fill. No one can fulfil your goals or purpose for you. Your happiness comes from within, not from another person. If being around them, if hearing them compliment you if you thinking of them, doesn’t make you happy from with-in then re0evaluate yourself and your relationship.
Yes, man is a social animal but we need to surround ourselves by the right people. As a close friend always says, “We can’t fill ourselves with trash.” You owe yourself that.
Now that we have established you do not need your partner to be happy or fulfilled, let’s establish another thing. Healthy relationships are based on communication and mutual effort. You do not need them but you are also not an unlimited reservoir. You can love everyone, but you cannot be in love with everyone. You are with them because you want to share something- that internal happiness- with them, and unless they want to share that too, let them go. Open yourself for the right person. That doesn’t mean you don’t wait or don’t adjust, because of course, you do, but it means you don’t compromise much on your needs, one of which is living by your values unless you want those values to change. Sometimes, you will have to compromise on your needs but look for a way to fulfil them that makes both partners happy and you are set.
Everyone has their own language of love and once you understand your partner’s language of love, finding that mutual middle-ground will be so much easier. For example- a friend of mine, let’s call her A, loves receiving gifts and taking care of people. That’s her language of love. The person she is dating? Let’s call him B, he doesn’t get what they mean to her. They love each other but are mutually unhappy. Now if only, they communicated and A told B what gifts mean to her and he respected that, they could have found a middle-ground.
No one but you and your partner decides where your relationship goes.
They don’t need you in particular. You don’t need them in particular. But if you want to be together, you give the other person what they feel they are due in a romantic relationship as much as you can. Never do anything you aren’t ready for, but if you can adjust, please do, for the person you truly love. And if they don’t adjust for you back where they can, they aren’t the right one. The “One”? He or she will always adjust as much as he can. Sometimes it’s enough. Sometimes it’s not. But it’s always worth a try. You don’t lose something you never needed or had.
Relationships are work. They are a mutual agreement to not stop the other from they need to be their best version. They are constantly saying “go, team!”
And if it’s true love born of mutual respect, understanding, adjustment, knowledge, and care for one another, you’ll never grow bored and will always retain the will to adjust and make it work for one another, even if it means letting each-other go, only to return later. But maybe in the process, you’ll find you don’t have to.
