With Raksha Bandhan just passing us by, many of us are thinking about what family means to us. At least I know I am. This time of the year always reminds of that old saying- blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb. And that makes me wonder, who apart from my sister would I want to send a rakhi to. The list is not long perhaps but the people on it? Despite not being related by blood, they are as much family to me as my blood relatives. If not more, in some cases, but we shall pretend we didn’t read that.
What I am trying to say in that long-winded sob story is that like my many people of our generation, and I am sure previous generations, I rely heavily on my found family.
What is a found family, you ask?
Well, it is a trope in literature, and extremely popular on Archive of Our Own, where I spend a good chunk of my time. This trope, essentially, is about a group of characters who are not related by blood to each other but are as close as family. It contains all kinds of relationships from platonic to queerplatonic and romantic. Think, Marauders- like Sirius Black eventually ran away to live with the Potters and they were thick as thieves. Except the rat. We hate the rat. But I digress.
At the heart of it, this trope tells us that even if some people may not be related to us, even if we don’t share a family name or DNA, we can grow to become a family who looks out for each-other, supports each other, and gives us unconditional love and guidance. No wonder, it is popular with a generation who feels increasingly estranged from their parents and other elders. But that’s a discussion for another blog. Today I want to talk about how to write a found family dynamic in your story. While my novel Siya did not rely on it heavily, it did have hints of this trope, being about familial trauma as it was.
What kind of stories can we find Found Families in?
When writing stories, especially genre fiction, we tend to use tropes. Tropes are also good for marketing in today’s times because readers know what they want to read. Found Family, as we mentioned, is one such trope. It connects with readers on an emotional level, whether it is a friends’ group such as the Marauders or a parent-child relationship such as that shown in between Grogu and Mando in the Mandalorian, or a mentor-mentee relationship such as the one the MUC fandom feels Tony Stark and Peter Parker have.
Now, usually if it is an adult and a child in a found family dynamic, we refer to as The Lone Wolf and The Cub, instead of a Found Family, but I think they overlap. If tropes came in Venn diagrams, The Lone Wolf and the Cub would fall squarely in the Fond Family Circle.
Knowing what we know now, how do we decide whether your story can benefit from this trope? Well, I would like to say that it is your story and if you think this idea fits organically in your work, go ahead with it. If it feels shoehorned or forced, then you might want to think twice, though.
Found Family dynamics are best for stories which are emotional and character driven, though plot-driven stories could use this dynamic to add more emotional depth to the characters and their journeys as well as give readers something to connect to.
In a character driven story, especially ones that explore ideas such as loneliness, importance of a community, bonds beyond that of family, queer relationships, and more, this trope seems to fit organically. Psstt…the fangirl in me says this trope fits organically in every type of story but what changes is how much of the focus is on the found family. That change is what truly makes it a Found Family story. For example, a romance story can have a found family dynamic but if there isn’t enough time given to the side characters and the friendships, if the relationships do not matter to the main characters, and if the bond isn’t shown as strong, the concept can fall to the side. Let us look at an example.
We shall look at the two MCU movies to explore this SpiderMan: Homecoming and SpiderMan: No Way Home. Both stories are about the same set of characters and in the same umbrella genre, so I feel they make a fair example. Let me know in the comments, which other stories you want me to compare, but I digress again. Let’s get comparing!
Homecoming vs. No Way Home
In Homecoming, the plot focuses heavily on Peter himself and his relationship with the idea of being a superhero, and the Avengers. There are other concepts such as the impact of the Avengers on the everyday man but for this blog, we look at Peter’s relationship with other characters such as Tony Stark, Ned Leeds, and MJ.
In Homecoming, while these relationships exist and the mentor-mentee relationship Tony and Peter have is extremely important to the plot, they cannot be categorized as a Found Family dynamic. While in No Way Home? They certainly can be. So, what’s the difference.
The emotional importance of these relationships.
In Homecoming. Peter’s journey is one of outgrowing the hero-worship of the Avengers, especially Tony Stark, and finding his own identity as a superhero. While his relationships influence his decision and the plot- think Tony’s awful mentoring- they are not that emotionally impactful for the audience. Yes, Peter and Ned are ride-or-die besties, which is cool, but it’s not the emotional crux of the movie. Tony being an awful mentor is more of a plot device and comment on Tony Stark than his relationship with Peter. Even in Far from Home, that relationship while a source of immense pain for Peter, is not a found family dynamic unlike the relationship Peter has in that movie with Happy Hogan. It almost touches the dynamic a good Found Family story relies on. Peter calling Happy for help, and Happy’s emotional look when Peter starts working on his suits sow the seeds for a deep emotional connection. The kind we in the fandom wish Tony and Peter had the chance of truly develop on-screen instead of off-screen.
…And then we reach the emotional roller-coaster that is No Way Home. I am still not over that movie. Why, why. Just why. Fair warning, spoilers ahead…
Still here? Cool. Let’s get rolling.
“No Way Home” explores Peter’s relationships, and their impact on him and the other characters. While that is not the central plot, several important moments in the plot, especially emotional moments, depend on these relationships and their importance. The inciting incident of the whole story is that Peter wants his friends to not suffer because of his errors. That is why he goes to Strange.
It is Ned and MJ who find Peter when he is lost to his emotions and take Peter 2 and Peter 3 to him. Peter 2 and Peter 3, while not having as much time to develop a relationship with Peter 1, as Ned and MJ, still manage to create a brother bond quickly which is central to helping Peter regain a sense of self in the movie. The movie’s end is as impactful as it is because we have seen what these relationships mean to Peter and we know what their loss will do to him. It makes his sacrifice all the more heroic and painful. And that right there, the emotional impact, the importance of these relationships, is what qualifies this story as a Found Family story.
So, there you have it. What makes a story a Found Family story.
Author of Fame, Fate, and Fury, Anuraag Chatterjee, says that such impactful relationships are what makes a found family, a found family relationship must never be romantic in nature from the get-go. For romance is always found. The characters need to have a found family relationship, before, the romance begins. An example would be Annabeth Chase and Percy Jackson.
Yet, the core idea remains the same. Found family relationships have to be impactful. Enough that their loss, even for the reader, is seen as huge catastrophe.
But how do you write such impactful relationships in your story?
How to Write Found Family dynamic?
As we understood, Found Family dynamic rely on the emotional journey. The changes these relationships or their lack bring in the characters and their lives. According to Ragsweas, author of When the Sun Rises on Ao3, “The best thing about writing Found Family is that there is no set pattern. They don’t need to fall into the set confines of family. All they need to do is love and care for each other.”
Traditional family often looks different in different cultures but a traditional nuclear family is that of a Mother, Father, and a Child. They have set roles. And yes, a beginner can explore those dynamic in a Found Family story, they can either have a parent-child relationship as part of their Found Family, or have a parent!friend in the group. But as Ragsweas said, the scope is endless.
In the present draft of Ragweas’ upcoming novel, Hear Ye, the Found Family there is the Dance Troope. While one of the characters, Jhuri is like a younger sister to the whole group, the rest of them are on equal footing. It is their care for each other, the way they are ride-or-die and the impact that has on Alfar, one of our main characters, that tells the readers the importance of these relationships. The fact that Alfar’s familial relationships are a shadow of these helps matters.
But having a bad home life, while popular and impactful in a Found Family, isn’t a necessity either. Nor are the characters being queer or ostracized. No, what is important is that the characters find solace in each other’s presence. They can be themselves when that might be an avenue around others. In The Infernal Devices, we see this in the people living in the Institute in London. It is especially evident in the relationship Will and Jem have, and is heightened by their being parabatai. Their love is unmistakable and undeniable. One cannot exist without the other and social rules fall to the wayside when this relationship calls. Even time and death and falling in love with the same woman couldn’t shake this friendship. In the other characters, we see motherly love, sibling rivalry, and more. While the characters do not always get along- what family does- they stand by each other when it matters and forgive almost anything. It is true unconditional love that inspires us to be better but does not condone our horrific acts.
I have mentioned that writing romance is about writing intimacy between characters. If I had to give a similar one-line trick to writing Found Family, I would say it writing love, comfort, and belonging between characters.
Think of yourself and your best friend. The one you call after a bad breakup, the one who will bail you out of the principal’s office, the Doctor to your Amelia Pond, the Joey to your Chandler, and the Grover to your Percy. That relationship- that right there, is a found family.
And putting it on paper, while difficult, is not impossible. Just remember to write love, hurt, and comfort. Show the importance of them in each other’s lives, and their impact. Ensure that your reader knows that losing this relationship would as good as destroy a huge part of your character. And you have a found family.
Happy writing folks.
Let me know which trope you want to explore next in the comments. And if you have a favourite bro!otp that I have not mentioned, educate me in there too.
Updated- 18/01/2023
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